Daily Diary

Daily Diary #6: Do it for yourself and nothing more.

Hello,

I have been the definition of no motivation. This past month has been so emotionally draining. I think I have had more emotional breakdowns this past month than I have had all year. It’s led me to not want to do anything for myself. When I thought about getting back into a workout routine I couldn’t think of a good enough reason to make it worth it. A lot of things lately have seemed “not worth the trouble”.

I know getting back into the habit of exercise would help me as a form of therapy because it makes me feel good and more alive but I have not for the love of all that is good been able to convince myself to start again.

My body is now looking gross and I do not feel comfortable in my own skin. I’ve been watching myself let myself go and have not done anything about it but let my mind convince me that I don’t care enough.

So what i’ve been looking for is a reason to be excited about making myself better. I do not want exercise to feel like torture or a punishment. I want it to be something I look forward to. I know the feeling exists because I’ve been there before about 3 years ago lol. I used to be excited to escape daily stress at the gym or at a dance class.

Last night I encountered a series of subtle hints that I think I finally let myself accept because last night I went to sleep with the desire to start working out again for no other reason than for myself and that desire was still there this morning! I don’t want to be grossed out when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Last night I didn’t even want to shower because I did not want to see the state of my body.

I have this feature on my desktop at work which gives me a motivational quote everyday and today’s was so perfect for the occasion “Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I really hope this feeling sticks and I keep finding reasons to keep going. I know there are a million reasons but I need to start finding them within me because that’s the only way they’ll actually make a difference.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did you overcome a phase of lack of motivation?

I hope you have a beautiful day! 🙂

-itsJesusita xo

 

 

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